I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
