Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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