so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
