and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
