ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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