I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
