i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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