a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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