well I can't set my house on fire every night
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Im part way to drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
