This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
