My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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