ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
