for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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