So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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