Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
