I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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