meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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