they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just high enough for therapy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
