the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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