tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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