i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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