used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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