My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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