There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
