your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
