I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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