I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All the doctor said was why
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
