you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
