2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
