Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We have so much sex to catch up on
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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