Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
