you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
