I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
