I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
