need another drink. this is the easiest way
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
