opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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