Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
