I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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