He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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