he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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