When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
