I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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