No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
