I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
