Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As shirtless as possible
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
