Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My penis needs a shock collar
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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