wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
