dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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