ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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