singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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